Blabbering of a Fool
OK, that’s a dumb title indeed.
Anyway, first things first, I’m still working at the same place. Or should I say, wasting my life…?
Basically, I’m just staying for the sake of money…but I never knew staying at a place just for money is just a torturous thing.
And have I never disliked, or hated, someone like I do now…not even that jackass back in camp comes close.
Everyday at work is like a training ground for me. Training me to keep my composure…though I flared up at times, due to seriously atrocious things, committed by idiotic people.
Speaking of that, I realized I adopt the 等価交換（とうかこうかん）/等价交换, or ‘Equivalent Exchange’ saying rather strongly, especially for people I already know. Perhaps it’s the way I’ve been treated by my peers (yeah right…probably just an excuse for myself), maybe it’s just me.
I usually leave people alone…yes, even my friends, or people I know (you can call this ‘anti-social’). But for friends I hang out with or ‘chat’ with, I do share some things I like.
But so far, I’ve experienced much disappointment (maybe too strong a word, but I can’t find a more appropriate word).
Korean stuff aside (people who know me understand that I used to hate these…now I choose to no longer hate, but to ignore these in whatever way I can), I’ll give an example of MSN conversation(s) I had.
Many times Friend A had shared with me files which he likes, and obviously, I accepted, since my flesh wouldn’t rot if I just give them a view or something. Some good, some not so, I still ‘gave them a chance’. Now in return, I sent some of mine I enjoy, hoping to share part of my enjoyment as well.
Guess the result.
‘Canceled’. Huh? Thinking that it may be an internet connection problem, I sent again. The C word appeared again.
Out of the many times I had tried sending, I can only remember at most twice which this friend had accepted.
Well, I was thinking of putting the movie issue again, but I believe I had mentioned it enough times now, and I’ll just mention the results: I still ask people out for movies I think are good, though I still get half-assed answers, resulting in me watching alone. And my friends…they kinda just stop asking me out, not just on movies anymore. Only remembering me once in a blue moon.
But no worries, I still regard them as friends.
一期一会, or ‘once in a lifetime’, a saying I follow as well, though not as strongly.
Anyway, I have now come to think like this: ‘Why bother placing yourself on the losing end when you already know that your actions will not be reciprocated?’ Indeed, many like my colleague had told me that you can’t possibly ask for something in return everytime you do something for someone. I agree as well, but everyone would expect at least a ‘Thank you’ for a deed done for you right? And what’s more, I’m just trying to share part of my joy around, yet I get snubbed.
And thus the 等価交換 grows in me.
Well, I’ll end the negative crap here before my mood goes down for the rest of the day.
Picked up a new book at Kinokuniya yesterday, titled “鹿男”, or the original title “鹿男あをによし”. Yup, Japanese novel, translated into Traditional Chinese. Guess I’m developing a love for Chinese novels, huh?
Anyway, it was widely acclaimed in Japan and in Taiwan…guess I have to experience the wonder myself. 🙂
Also, had catch the sneaks for ２０世紀少年 (20th Century Boys)…with my brother!! Been donkey years since I’d watch a movie with him. Anyway, side note: he fell asleep halfway through the show…he has lousy skills in staying awake in the dark.
Well, the movie warrants a second viewing from me.
Join me anyone? (Useless question here…) （￣へ￣）悲しい…