Words of MavericK

Blabbering of a Fool

I think I’m a(n)…

…asshole.

Leaving that aside first, I’m right now under voluntary ‘confinement’ in camp…gonna be staying in camp till Sunday morning. For what? Well, I can save on my transport fees, and I dun really have anything to do at home anyway. And also time seems to flow faster in camp than when outside, and I CAN’T WAIT for Sunday or Monday to come, whichever day when it’s payday…so that I CAN COLLECT MY MOVIE REALIZATION KAMEN RIDER THE FIRST!!!

OK, back to me being an asshole. Why suddenly the self-confession? It all starts like this:

A classmate known back in primary (elementary) school, and in the same class, finally has a FaceBook account, and adds me to her list of friends. I see this notice, and checks her account out.

Whoa.

To add, back in primary school, she is considered (by me) to be one of the prettier girls in class…or even in school. But of course, after primary school, almost everyone goes on to their separate ways, though you might be lucky, or unlucky, enough to have a few of your friends/acquaintances in the same secondary (high) school and even same class as you.
So this classmate of mine obviously goes to a different school. And so we haven’t really been in contact since then. But being in (small) Singapore, when in secondary/JC period, while out with my friends, I saw her (still very pretty) with her friends, whom my friends know (strange world). I managed to get her number from then…but after a few text messages, no contact again.

Now, on FaceBook, seeing a ‘long-time-no-see’ friend just makes you wanna talk/chat to them, doesn’t it? Especially when it’s a pretty lady. That’s what I thought, but realize something: What to talk about? So many years of nothing happening between us, not much of a word…just makes things strange, doesn’t it?

Then I finally realize another thing: Not just with this friend. Almost all other friends as well. I just couldn’t really talk about anything.
I think I haven’t been putting much effort into any relationships with my friends. I suddenly feel so down and disappointed with myself, saying this. Want to give some reason for this…but I think it will be just an excuse from myself.

Read my friends’ blogs too…always read about them celebrating with their friends after having been through a tough period of time etc, or even just meeting for fun. I think I dun really get to enjoy these kind of things much…in primary school, I’m the obedient boy who always goes home after school, only playing in the playgrounds during evening with parental consent. In secondary school, I say this period is the period when I had the most friends and the most enjoyable period of my life so far. Hanging out with friends, something never really tried before back in primary school, is pretty fun…and though my studies during this period suffered quite a bit, it was still enjoyable. Then in JC…my most detested period in life. Hard work is to be expected, of course, but I simply hated my school. My class, though we meet everyday, weren’t united at all…even separated into different ‘factions’. Throughout this period, only hung out with the same group of friends, even till now. NS…I consider myself as an ‘out-of-the-norm’ person, so I dun really click with my DotA-playing, clubbing, etc… peers.

Perhaps I should start now…though it might already be too late for anything to happen. But even so, a problem arises for me again: How do I even start off?

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