Words of MavericK

Blabbering of a Fool

The Change Within Me

Been a little over 2 years since I’ve started blogging…just read through the entries in my blog in the first few months…noticed quite a change in the way I wrote my posts, compared to now. When just starting out, was only treating blogging more like something to play with, but now, it’s become more of an interest. In the past, my entries were more cheerful, and I seemed more optimistic…but gradually, I noticed myself to be more gloomy, if not dark, in the subsequent entries…and also less people were mentioned in them, eventually becoming a blog just about myself.

As the song, 明日晴れるかな, goes, perhaps it’s a ‘consequence of society’? Or is it due to the growth/maturing of my inner self? Just like an otaku would say, I’m progressing towards becoming a Hollow (or maybe even a Vizard? Haha…).

Everytime I chat with a friend on MSN whom I haven’t met for a long time, first question for each other would be “How have you been?” This really sets me thinking. “Same old boring me.” My replies are always the same, for everyone who asks me that. Then, usually my ex-classmates, they would reply “Who says you’re boring? You’re lame! Haha”. I really ain’t bothered by the ‘lame’ comment (I consider it as a compliment actually), but I really wish I could tell them that I am not quite the person I was from before. In the past, I would simply make a lame comment on everything possible, to the extent of making my friend (the very same one) laugh till he hiccups 6 consecutive times (meaning he suffers from hiccups again after his previous hiccuping period). But now, I’m not so sure actually. I still make jokes now and then, but I no longer feel the way I felt before. I no longer feel as cheerful and jolly, but instead a ‘dark’ feeling growing. I can’t really explain the feeling in proper words, but yeah, it’s different.

Well, of course, all these are just happening inside me. Externally, I’m still the person as perceived by most. I have never confided in anyone about these thoughts and feelings I have inside of me. Haha…can’t always be a burden to people, ya? Sometimes, dark thoughts just pop up in my head, but luckily, I still have my rationale (dunno if it’s used like this) with me, or I think I’ll end up as a criminal long ago…haha… 🙂

Well, that’s it for now, I guess…


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